Obedience

If you love me, you will obey what I command.

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.

Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.
(John 14:15, 21, 23-24, 15:10)

These are the words of Jesus, recorded in the Gospel of John. If you read these words and took them at their face value, you would think that obedience was very, very important to Jesus. And you’d be right.

It’s not just evident in this passage from John. It’s a major theme throughout the Bible. We all know this, at least in some way. Even those who don’t profess to be believers have this idea down. We constantly hear how Christianity is all about rules and following them. That’s by no means the whole story. But when even those outside of our beliefs know this, it ought be a clue to us that obedience is important.

In fact o-b-e-y is how God spells love. At least as far as our love for him.

But this goes so much further than simply obeying the commands of scripture. I do not want to downplay obeying God’s clear commands. Not at all. There’s a reason we are given those commands. To disobey them is to place ourselves in opposition to God, and to mess up our lives. God gave us commandments to help us—sin hurts us, and it keeps us from becoming more like God, which is his ultimate goal for us.

The clear commands of scripture are good, but obeying them should be a no-brainer for the believer. Obedience goes deeper than that. It goes to the level of obeying the Spirit at any moment.

Just this week, I had a chance to exercise this kind of obedience. I was driving home from work one day, when I felt a prompting to call a friend of mine. When the Spirit speaks to me, it is usually in this fashion. It’s not a great, booming voice. It’s a small prompting, or a new thought, usually telling me to do something, perhaps something unexpected, something a bit radical, or something I’d rather not do. This friend of mine has been going through some very tough times lately, and he has been expecting either good or bad news. I was pretty sure that if he had received good news he would have told me. So I never expected this to be the most pleasant of calls. I would either hear that he’d had no news, or bad news. But I have learned that when I hear that still, small voice to obey what it says.

So I called my friend and asked him how he was doing. Immediately I could hear in his voice that things were not good. He had received word just that day of a loss, one that was devastating to him. He hadn’t even yet told his wife.

Now, I wasn’t any great fount of wisdom for my friend. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t know why he got this bad news and not the good news he was hoping and praying for. All I could do was to tell him I loved him and that I was praying for him. We talked for about 15 minutes, and while I could not change the nature of his news, still he felt better and stronger when we were done. This was none of my doing, but simply the good grace given by a friend who cares, who understands, who shares in struggles.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret: I didn’t want to make that call. As I said earlier, I didn’t expect good news. But I was obedient to what the Spirit told me, and it benefitted not only my friend, but me.

Now, I am no giant when it comes to hearing the Spirit speak. I have been blessed at times with hearing from God’s spirit. It doesn’t happen nearly often enough. And I frequently wonder if I do hear the Spirit at times, and just ignore it as one of the many thoughts that come to me. You may even say that this was merely a thought from my own mind. I won’t argue the point. It’s way too subjective for a good argument anyway. I will say that when I do listen, and when I am obedient, I’ve seen many, many good things come from that obedience. The longer I live, the more convinced I become not in just the reality of the Spirit speaking to us, but that he speaks a lot more than we listen.

How many times have I passed up the opportunity to help someone, to honor God, to lift up my own soul? Far too many to count, I fear. But I know that when I am obedient, when I do show God the love he deserves, I tend to hear the Spirit easier the next time.

Obedience. It’s how God spells love.

Another Short Foster Care Update

Thanks to all who have been praying for our foster son, R. He is doing very well. We have him in speech, physical, and occupational therapy. I'll bet you didn't know a 2-year-old could have occupational therapy. It's really about his fine motor skills. He really loves his speech therapist, who just happens to be our daughter-in-law. I think my son has a new rival for her affection . . .

R has also discovered that he likes attention very much, and is ready to pitch a fit if things don't go his way. Shan, acting on an idea from the occupational therapist, made him a little mat, which she carries in the diaper bag. Whenever R throws a fit, she gets it out and sits him on it. The consistency of being made to sit on the mat really lets him know he's in unacceptable territory.

His speech is really starting to improve, and he is starting to use sign language as well. That helps him communicate when the words just won't come.

We found out last week that the adoption agency got the official paperwork, and they are looking for a family for him now. We also discovered that there is one promising potential family for him. These folks will be in town over Thanksgiving weekend, and we will hopefully get to take R to meet them.

This whole process has been tiring, especially for Shan, who has R basically 24 hours a day. But she is a warrior and a great mother, and she is doing so much good for him.

We're praying that this will be the right family for him. We'll miss him, but that has been the whole point of fostering him—to give him a new family.

More Than Meets the Eye

The other day a couple of colleagues and I were talking about health care. It's a big topic these days. As part of the conversation, one of the men said he thought that overweight people just needed to be educated. He pointed to some of his in-laws who worked out at the gym but couldn't lose weight, "because they go home and eat donuts afterward."

Now, this man is a good person, and since this was a business relationship, I merely said that wisdom did not equate to intelligence. But I really wanted to say a lot more. Basically, he was saying that overweight people are either ignorant, stupid, or both. Following his line of reasoning, Nobel Laureates should all be very fit. They're not. Doctors should not ever have weight problems. But they do. And if his premise were true about overweight people, would it not also apply to alcoholics, smokers, drug addicts? Doctors, dentists, and nurses are particularly at risk for drug addiction. Is there any class of people who is more educated about the risks of drug abuse? I wanted to ask if another colleague, a very talented, bright, well-educated man with a severe weight problem were either ignorant or stupid. The obvious answer is "no."

Human behavior is far, far more complex than that. There are as many reasons for unhealthy behavior as there are people. We are all different.

But it is so easy to forget that. Hollywood sure doesn't help. All the successful, smart, happy people are good looking, fit, trim. Those Hollywood wants to make fun of are ugly, fat, stupid, or usually all three. For women it's many times worse than it is for men. The ideal female body image promoted in the media is so thin that only a starveling can qualify—unless of course the females in question have hyper-inflated breasts. We do cut them some slack for that. It has reached the point that even stick-thin models are Photoshopped to make them look thinner.

And we all do the same thing in our personal lives. It is very hard not to judge people based on their appearance. We tend to drop people into convenient categories—successful, old, thin, young, loser, beautiful, ugly, sexy, bald, alcoholic—you get the point. We look at the outside and decide instantly who is interesting, who is not, who is worthy, and who is a waste of time.

James talked about this, in terms of rich and poor, but it applies also to fat and thin, young and old, pretty or plain:

Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
James 2:2-4

James doesn't pull many punches, folks. You can see what he calls this: evil thoughts. Just in case you didn't know, when the Bible calls something evil . . . that's a bad thing.
It is good to be fit. It's good to be free of addictions. It's good to be whole, and healthy, and strong, and emotionally stable. But everyone is coming from a different place. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, differing desires and dreams.

Everyone has a back story. Some stories are horrible. Some seem pretty normal to us. But everyone has some kind of wound, and if we knew the story, knew the wound, we might not be so quick to judge. But whether or not we ever hear the story, we know that there is more there than meets the eye.

Foster Care Update

We have had our foster son for almost four weeks now. (I'll call him R as I'm not sure I should publish his name.) He has really made a home in our hearts. His speech development is about 12 months behind, but he is rapidly adding vocabulary. When he first came to us, he could care less about books, and we were very surprised at how much he played by himself. Now he brings us books constantly, and he has learned that he really likes attention and demands a lot of it.

Our dogs have taken to him like a duck to water. He loves to throw the ball for them, and they get to clean up the snacks he drops. Murphy, our littlest dog, absolutely dotes on him. He will come and poke us to let us know R is awake from his nap. Murphy is eating better, too. R makes sure the other dogs give him his share.


Last weekend we thought we were going to have to take R back to his mother because of some holdups in the paperwork for his adoption. We weren't happy about that, as the situation described to us was not really the best. I can't in good conscience get into the problems, but there were problems. However, by Sunday things had been straightened out and the paperwork is starting to get done. In a week or two the agency will be able to try to match him up with a family, and he can begin his new life.

That will of course leave a hole in our hearts. We love this little guy immensely. When we thought he was going back into a difficult situation, we grieved. But it will make a lot of difference to know he's going to a good home with people who want him very much. Some family is going to get a great kid.

Since we started this we've had a lot of people tell us how wonderful we are for fostering him and helping him to get a new start on life. That is very nice to hear, but to be truthful we don't feel like we're making any great sacrifice. I certainly don't. My wife is bearing the lion's share of the workload. What I do know is that we are getting a lot of love and satisfaction in return. His smile is worth everything.

And I have memorized Go Dogs Go!

Forgiving

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matt. 6:14-15

Just a few simple words. Part of what we usually call The Lord's Prayer, but which probably should be called The Disciples' Prayer. After all, it's how Jesus told us to pray.

Nonetheless, those simple words are perhaps the hardest teaching of the whole Bible. Because if we don't forgive, the Father will not forgive us. Jesus basically told us it is our jobs to forgive. Just go around forgiving 24/7. Because there will never be any shortage of offenses to forgive. Oh, no! We're stuck! We have to forgive. So, let's just do it, right?

Would that it were so easy. Forgiving is hard to do. God has the ability to remember our sins no more, but we're somewhat limited in that capacity. We remember, and the memory rankles, and it builds up into resentment, and before you know it we're harboring un-forgiveness in our hearts . . . even after we've said, "I forgive."

I have some experience with this (he said in an amazing display of understatement). A few years back I went through a process that revealed to me that I had not forgiven something that happened to me a long, long time ago. As in 35 years ago. I'll write here about that sometime. It is a story that still astounds me. I don't want to dwell on those specifics at the moment. I'll just say that the result of my lack of forgiveness was buried anger that bubbled up to the surface in specific situations. And I didn't even know I was harboring those feelings. When they came to light, I was intensely surprised.

Recently, the need for forgiveness has come home to me again. I was hurt by someone's actions, someone I would never have thought would hurt me in that way. Immediately, when I learned what had happened, I knew I needed to forgive. And I told God, "I forgive." But it has still bothered me. Satan keeps bringing it up, and I have to fight my own human tendency to dwell on it and get angry all over again. And frankly this was a minor thing as offenses go. Millions of people go through worse every day. That just goes to prove how difficult forgiveness is.

So, how do we forgive? What is the process?

I'm not sure I know all about this, but I can tell you what isn't part of the process. It doesn't require the other party to ask for our forgiveness. The other party may not even know of the offense. Or if they do, may not consider it an offense, or just don't want to talk about it. Those crucifying Jesus did not ask for forgiveness. He asked the Father to forgive them anyway. If I remember correctly, Jesus is supposed to be our guide in such things.

Neither does forgiveness depend on a feeling of forgiveness. If we wait for that, we may be waiting a long, long time. Meanwhile, the acid of un-forgiveness will be eating away at us, tearing up our lives. I guarantee the resentment and un-forgiveness I held for all those years didn't hurt the other person. That person never even knew what was going on. For that matter, I didn't consciously know what was going on.

No, forgiveness, like love, is a choice. It's a decision to never hold that offense against the other person no matter what. Most times it must include a decision never to speak of the offense. There are exceptions to that. A parent who is hurt by a child may forgive the child, yet still correct the child. Forgiveness is truly offered, but correction must come for the child's own good. We see that also in how God deals with us. He forgives sin, but consequences still come.

In addition, forgiveness must include a decision to continue to forgive. The feeling of forgiveness will eventually come, but only if we continue to make that choice. This, too, is much like love. We love each other even when things go wrong, even on days when we don't feel very loving. It's a conscious choice, and from that conscious choice, the feeling of love grows and increases.

I will recommend a few other things, too. First, pray about it. Ask God to help you forgive. He is eager to do so, and he wants you to ask him for your every need. This is a big one. Second, speak your forgiveness out loud. There is something powerful in speaking the words. I can't explain this, but I've felt it and seen it in others. Third, if at all possible, tell someone you trust of your decision to forgive. Sometimes you can't do this because to do so would betray the confidence of the person you are forgiving. But it helps to have someone else hold you accountable. And this can be a sounding board for you. If in telling your story you find you're still holding resentment, that should be a clue that you have more work to do.

So I'll continue to forgive the one who hurt me. It gets easier every time I do it. And I'll continue to tell Satan to drop it. The feeling of forgiveness will ebb and flow until one day it will just be the way things are. On that day, I will thank God again for what he has forgiven me.

Oh, and if you think this is about you . . . please forgive me.

Our First Foster Child

My wife and I have been certified for foster care for over a year, and now we have our first child! We wanted (and still want) to do short-term newborn care, taking care of newborns and helping them get their start for a couple of weeks while the new adoptive parents are doing final paperwork and getting ready for them. But we work with a small agency, and we haven't had a baby yet.

Two weeks ago, we picked up this beautiful little two-year-old boy:


Actually, he's not so little. He's very tall for his age. He's also a happy child who has shown absolutely no fear of anything. We have three dogs, ranging in size from about 15 pounds to 95 pounds, and he thinks they're the greatest thing ever. They think the same about him as he loves to throw the ball for them and he's the Keeper of the Cheerios.

We will have this young lad a minimum of two more weeks, and perhaps longer, as they don't have an adoptive family for him yet. Please join me in praying for him, for the parents who have surrendered him for adoption (a VERY hard choice), and for his adoptive family.

And it is very interesting having a two-year-old in the house for the first time in about 14 years . . .

Ouch Moments

Some people have "Aha" moments. You know, when something becomes clear to you in an instant, or when you finally discover something you've been searching for or thinking about for a long time. Rather like Archimedes crying "Eureka!" (I've found it!) when he discovered that he displaced water when he got into his bathtub. Or those folks in the cartoons who get little lightbulbs above their heads. We think, "Aha!" as the idea comes to us.

Well, I have those, too. But I also have what I call "Ouch" moments. Those are the times when you read something or hear something that is obviously pointed directly at you and your own behavior or attitudes. It's typically something that you realize is true about you, but which is rather unflattering. I get Ouch moments sometimes while listening to our preacher. I haven't yet figured out why he's preaching directly at me, but he does it with distressing regularity.

I had an Ouch moment the other day, and it was in concert with a friend's Ouch moment, too. My buddy was telling several of us about some time he'd spent alone with God. He was seeking to hear from God, and he opened his Bible to read this passage in Isaiah:

And now the LORD says—
he who formed me in the womb to be his servant
to bring Jacob back to him
and gather Israel to himself,
for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD
and my God has been my strength-
he says:
"It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
to restore the tribes of Jacob
and bring back those of Israel I have kept.
I will also make you a light for the Gentiles,
that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."
Isaiah 49:5-6

Except for one small glitch. In verse 6, my friend read two words out of order. I was listening rather than reading along, and didn't notice it at the time. He read, "Is it too small a thing . . ." instead of "It is too small a thing . . ." That turned a statement into this question: "Is it too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back those of Israel I have kept?"

My immediate response was "Ouch!" In fact, I said that out loud. That verse, when put that way, hit me squarely between the eyes. Now there is no disputing that the verse doesn't ask that question. For Isaiah, that wasn't an Ouch moment. (He had plenty of others.) Isaiah heard it correctly. We didn't. But hearing it incorrectly had a big impact on my friend, and on me.

Please, please don't misunderstand me here. I'm not suggesting that we try to misread scripture and draw lessons from it. But the principle expressed by that question is one that is found throughout scripture. God told David he was not to be the one to build the temple. He told Paul that God's grace was sufficient, and he wasn't going to heal him. In addition, this principle is something we all should recognize and feel in our bones. We often want God to do one thing for us, or with us, or through us, and God tells us that he has something else in mind. And he gently tells us that he has blessed us in other ways, given us other talents, performed other deeds through us. "But that's not what I wanted," we whine. So God gives us that Ouch moment.

I've had lots of Ouch moments in my life. Some are painful, such as the time I heard and saw myself scolding my son on videotape. That was me? I really sounded like that? I hate it when people sound like that with their kids. Ouch! That left a mark.

Some Ouch moments are hilarious. One of my favorites is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. (How's that for a theological movie?)

In the film, the peasants have brought a woman (whom they have dressed like a witch) to Sir Bedivere, crying "A witch! A witch! Burn her!"

Bedivere asks, "How do you know she's a witch?"

One of the peasants (John Cleese) replies, "She turned me into a newt!"

His Ouch moment came when all of them look at him in his obvious non-newtness.
After a moment of embarrassment he mumbles, "I got better." And they went on to more silliness, eventually deciding that if the woman weighed the same as a duck, she was a witch.

Our Ouch moments are teaching moments, if we have the wit and courage to recognize them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go bandage up this wound . . .