Each of us has a story. That story is the story of who we are: our struggles, our wounds, our victories, our failures, our loves and hopes and dreams fulfilled or unfulfilled. Each story is unique, and each story holds the seeds of our legacy. They are each a small part of the great story, the story of God's love, man's rejection, Christ's sacrifice, Satan's end.
Some of you know I work with a group of men who meet weekly to help each other overcome sins in their lives. We hold each other accountable for our actions. We encourage one another in the battle. And battle it is. This is a great group of brothers, and we have seen lots of powerful victories over the years. We've seen marriages restored, relationships rebuilt with God and with families, men changed from captives into warriors. It has been amazingly good to be part of this group of men.
But I knew there was something more.
I've felt for a couple of years that we needed something beyond accountability. We needed real brotherhood. I've been in that kind of relationship before, or at least on the fringes of it, and it far surpasses what accountability can provide. I began to pray for a way to move into true brotherhood, and to talk to others about it, mainly the men I looked upon as leaders in the larger group.
Several months back, a small group of us started something new (to us), and the results have been astounding. We started with something so simple, and so obvious, it seems like nothing.
We told our stories.
Each time we met, one man would take the whole time, usually 90 or 120 minutes, and tell us his story. Starting with "I was born . . ." he told us the story of his childhood, his adolescence, his young adulthood, his early marriage, his career . . .his life. One of the men who has been through this before modeled it for us. He focused on the wounds he had encountered over the years, especially in his early years. It seems that every one of us has wounds, and those have molded who we are and how we respond to things for the rest of our lives. Satan takes those wounds, the "arrows" as they are sometimes called, and he gets us to build our identity around them.
This simple step, of telling each other our stories, has had amazing, dramatic effect. First, we now know each other in ways we never did before. We know things about each other that our wives don't know. It's not that we have hidden things from our wives. Far from it. This process has revealed things that it never occurred to us to tell others.
Second, in every case we have come to see the reasons why we are the way we are. For some, we see the roots of the simmering anger. For others, we see the rejection that led to a fear of abandonment. For others, the roots of addictive behaviors are clear . . .but not always to the man telling the story.
That's the third thing that has come out of this. In every case we have seen things that were unclear or completely unknown to the one telling the story. When we are the recipient of the wounds, when we have felt the arrows, we are too close to the pain to know what is going on. All we know is that we hurt, and we don't want to hurt like that again. So we bury it or mask it in some way that isn't even conscious. It's unknown to us until one of our brothers shows it to us.
And that's the fourth thing. Once exposed to the light, these wounds begin to heal. Lies live in darkness. They cannot survive in the light.
That's the next step: renouncing lies. After that, the final step is to see each other's glory. I'll talk more about each of these later.
Our plan is to continue meeting together for a few more weeks, and then for each of us to begin another group, where we can teach others to tell their stories and to renounce the lies we've all believed. If what we've seen so far is any indication, this will absolutely transform the men of our church. And it won't stop there. Transformed lives transform lives.
So, what's your story?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
A Short Update on Foster Care
We heard back from the caseworker at Adoption Works yesterday. Apparently CPS was involved in this situation from the beginning, and they actually came to Adoption Works to see if they had someone who would temporarily foster the twins. No slight on them, but Adoption Works really wasn't ready for this. In the past, they used to be larger with more funding, and wouldn't have had any difficulty with this situation.
I can only assume that CPS came to them because they had nowhere else to place the twins on such short notice, and because they thought the fostering wouldn't cost CPS anything.
It still remains to be seen if things can be worked out. There is a relative in the picture. But it is still possible those little boys may come to stay a while with us. We just don't know.
Pray for those boys. Not so much that they come to us, although we are ready for them if they do. Pray that they get the parenting they need. That's the real goal.
I can only assume that CPS came to them because they had nowhere else to place the twins on such short notice, and because they thought the fostering wouldn't cost CPS anything.
It still remains to be seen if things can be worked out. There is a relative in the picture. But it is still possible those little boys may come to stay a while with us. We just don't know.
Pray for those boys. Not so much that they come to us, although we are ready for them if they do. Pray that they get the parenting they need. That's the real goal.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
More on Deck Clearing . . . Sort Of
Last week I posted about God telling me he was clearing my decks. I'd had several pretty difficult setbacks, and it seemed God telling me he was preparing me for a storm, or a battle, or a wild ride. Okay, God. I got it. Now what?
Two days ago I got an e-mail that brought back some of what I was feeling before. I had to deal with another wave of disappointment and bitterness. I could really tell that Satan was chewing on me. You don't think that disappointment and bitterness come from God, do you? The circumstances hadn't changed, but the bad feelings were back and in new strength. I recognized that pretty quickly and called a brother who prayed for me. He's on the same page with me—we both see these setbacks as an attack. That doesn't make them any easier to ignore, but it does help when dealing with them. Good enough. I knew the source.
Then I got home and we got a phone call from the adoption agency we are certified with. Just as a bit of background, my wife and I got certified to do foster care about a year ago. The thing we want to do is short-term care for newborns. Shan has wanted to do this for years. Basically, we would take newborns into our home and care for them while their adoptive parents are getting paperwork done, getting ready, and getting final approval. Normally, this would be 10 days or so at a time. Except we've not had any newborns yet. We've waited a year with nothing. This is a relatively small agency, and apparently it has suddenly become trendy for unwed teen moms to keep their babies, and so they do . . . for a while. Then, after the novelty wears off and they realize how hard it is to raise a child, some of them give the child up for adoption. So we haven't had any babies yet.
At any rate, the phone call from the agency asks if we can take in two toddlers; twin 2 ½-year-old boys. I could hear Shan on the phone saying things like, "We're not set up for toddlers," and "I really need to talk to my husband about that." After a bit more listening, she hangs up.
"What's up?" I asked. It seems that the mother of these boys wants to voluntarily give them up for two to three months while she gets her act together. We don't know, but in these situations it's usually for a period of drug rehab.
Wow. Instead of a single newborn, they want us to take two toddlers. We don't have beds, car seats, high chairs, etc. They said they could get those things to us. We never wanted to do long term foster care because we know, absolutely know that we will get very, very attached to these kids, and adoption is not in our future. Nursing homes might be in our future, but not adoption.
So we talked about it. I asked Shan what was in her heart, and she kept saying things about how much need there was. That wasn't what I wanted, so I kept asking, and she finally said, "I think my heart says we should take them."
Dinner was ready, so we sat down to eat, and when I prayed, I prayed mostly about this decision. We talked some more, and I mentioned God's word to me about clearing my decks. Maybe this was what he meant. Shan's eyes got really big.
Then we called Rachel, our daughter, who was at a friend's house. She's a big consideration in these things. Her immediate response was, "Get them!" Rachel can be uncertain about some things, but this was not one of those.
After dinner, Shan and I sat together and prayed for guidance and direction. As I prayed, I could feel God give me the answer. I guess Shan felt it, too, because as soon as I said Amen, we looked at each other and I said, "We have to do this." She said, "You're right," and immediately called the agency. The agency told us that CPS was talking with the mother, and they would get back to us in about an hour.
At that point we went into action. (I started to say we sprang into action, but we don't do a lot of springing anymore.) The front room has been used as a storage place for a while. We got the bed cleaned off and started washing the sheets, because we knew if we had two toddlers just taken from their mother that there would be some tears and difficulties at bedtime. Shan could sleep in there with them at first. We moved a bunch of stuff out, mostly things that should have been put in the attic after Christmas, and we cleaned up. I ran our lousy vacuum and wished for perhaps the eleven thousandth time that we'd replaced it. But we got the room tidy and ready for two little boys. I kept saying, "Are we stupid, or what?" and Shan kept laughing. It felt really good to be doing this.
An hour or so later, the agency called. CPS would not agree to pay the agency's fees for a temporary foster care situation. Those fees are not extensive, and most, perhaps all, would come to us to pay for all the care that little kids need. If I remember correctly, our agreement is that we get $25 a day per child. It has to cost CPS more than that to put a child into their system. But it's likely a turf thing. We are not in the CPS system. The agency has a policy that they cannot accept temporary foster kids without the fees. They just don't have the money to do it. In an adoption, those fees typically come from the adoptive parents. That couldn’t happen here. The mother has no money, CPS won't release any, and the agency doesn't have it.
So, no kids. What a let-down! After going through all the emotional strain of deciding we would take them, they were snatched away. It was quite the roller coaster ride. We felt flat, and tired, and confused. We had already begun to fill up with love for these two little boys—and we hadn't even met them! Then . . . nothing. I presume the children are now in the custody of CPS, and I pray that they are receiving the love and care they need.
And I still don't know why God is clearing my decks.
Two days ago I got an e-mail that brought back some of what I was feeling before. I had to deal with another wave of disappointment and bitterness. I could really tell that Satan was chewing on me. You don't think that disappointment and bitterness come from God, do you? The circumstances hadn't changed, but the bad feelings were back and in new strength. I recognized that pretty quickly and called a brother who prayed for me. He's on the same page with me—we both see these setbacks as an attack. That doesn't make them any easier to ignore, but it does help when dealing with them. Good enough. I knew the source.
Then I got home and we got a phone call from the adoption agency we are certified with. Just as a bit of background, my wife and I got certified to do foster care about a year ago. The thing we want to do is short-term care for newborns. Shan has wanted to do this for years. Basically, we would take newborns into our home and care for them while their adoptive parents are getting paperwork done, getting ready, and getting final approval. Normally, this would be 10 days or so at a time. Except we've not had any newborns yet. We've waited a year with nothing. This is a relatively small agency, and apparently it has suddenly become trendy for unwed teen moms to keep their babies, and so they do . . . for a while. Then, after the novelty wears off and they realize how hard it is to raise a child, some of them give the child up for adoption. So we haven't had any babies yet.
At any rate, the phone call from the agency asks if we can take in two toddlers; twin 2 ½-year-old boys. I could hear Shan on the phone saying things like, "We're not set up for toddlers," and "I really need to talk to my husband about that." After a bit more listening, she hangs up.
"What's up?" I asked. It seems that the mother of these boys wants to voluntarily give them up for two to three months while she gets her act together. We don't know, but in these situations it's usually for a period of drug rehab.
Wow. Instead of a single newborn, they want us to take two toddlers. We don't have beds, car seats, high chairs, etc. They said they could get those things to us. We never wanted to do long term foster care because we know, absolutely know that we will get very, very attached to these kids, and adoption is not in our future. Nursing homes might be in our future, but not adoption.
So we talked about it. I asked Shan what was in her heart, and she kept saying things about how much need there was. That wasn't what I wanted, so I kept asking, and she finally said, "I think my heart says we should take them."
Dinner was ready, so we sat down to eat, and when I prayed, I prayed mostly about this decision. We talked some more, and I mentioned God's word to me about clearing my decks. Maybe this was what he meant. Shan's eyes got really big.
Then we called Rachel, our daughter, who was at a friend's house. She's a big consideration in these things. Her immediate response was, "Get them!" Rachel can be uncertain about some things, but this was not one of those.
After dinner, Shan and I sat together and prayed for guidance and direction. As I prayed, I could feel God give me the answer. I guess Shan felt it, too, because as soon as I said Amen, we looked at each other and I said, "We have to do this." She said, "You're right," and immediately called the agency. The agency told us that CPS was talking with the mother, and they would get back to us in about an hour.
At that point we went into action. (I started to say we sprang into action, but we don't do a lot of springing anymore.) The front room has been used as a storage place for a while. We got the bed cleaned off and started washing the sheets, because we knew if we had two toddlers just taken from their mother that there would be some tears and difficulties at bedtime. Shan could sleep in there with them at first. We moved a bunch of stuff out, mostly things that should have been put in the attic after Christmas, and we cleaned up. I ran our lousy vacuum and wished for perhaps the eleven thousandth time that we'd replaced it. But we got the room tidy and ready for two little boys. I kept saying, "Are we stupid, or what?" and Shan kept laughing. It felt really good to be doing this.
An hour or so later, the agency called. CPS would not agree to pay the agency's fees for a temporary foster care situation. Those fees are not extensive, and most, perhaps all, would come to us to pay for all the care that little kids need. If I remember correctly, our agreement is that we get $25 a day per child. It has to cost CPS more than that to put a child into their system. But it's likely a turf thing. We are not in the CPS system. The agency has a policy that they cannot accept temporary foster kids without the fees. They just don't have the money to do it. In an adoption, those fees typically come from the adoptive parents. That couldn’t happen here. The mother has no money, CPS won't release any, and the agency doesn't have it.
So, no kids. What a let-down! After going through all the emotional strain of deciding we would take them, they were snatched away. It was quite the roller coaster ride. We felt flat, and tired, and confused. We had already begun to fill up with love for these two little boys—and we hadn't even met them! Then . . . nothing. I presume the children are now in the custody of CPS, and I pray that they are receiving the love and care they need.
And I still don't know why God is clearing my decks.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Praying a Lie
Recently I heard a lie in a prayer, and it's something that our culture, including the church, almost universally accepts.
First off, let me say that the person praying this prayer is a wonderful Christian woman, a friend, and a prayer warrior. She meant no harm by what she said, and only repeated something that we have often heard and bought into. I hesitated to post this, and tried to write it without mentioning the prayer, but I thought I needed to point out how pervasive this is in the Church. I trust that if the lady in question recognizes herself, she will forgive me for bringing this up again.
We were praying for another lady who was pregnant and about to deliver her second son. The lady praying asked for God's protection for her baby boy, and her other baby boy, and her other baby boy, meaning her husband. There were quite a few chuckles in our group, and she continued on with her prayer.
But a hand grabbed my heart and squeezed. I know the husband in question. He's a young man compared to me (lots of men in that category), but he is unquestionably a man, a Christian man, and a man who is doing a good job of being the spiritual leader of his household.
Yet we called him not only a boy, but a baby boy, and most of us laughed.
This is a lie straight from the pit of hell.
Satan has done a great job with this one. You hear this all the time. Men are called little boys by their wives, by other women, and by other men. We all have heard, probably all have said, "He's just the tallest kid in the family." We laugh, and shake our heads, and we give credence to something that emasculates men, strips them of respect, and serves Satan's purposes perfectly.
Let's take a closer look at the idea that men are really just bigger boys. According to the Bible, Christ is the head of the church, and the husband is the spiritual leader of his household. (And if you don't buy into the Bible, it makes no difference. Everyone in that room where we were praying does buy into it.) Does it make sense, in light of that, to equate the leader of the household with a child? Does a woman who believes that really want a child as the leader of her household?
This idea comes from a variety of sources. For one thing, there are way too many men who act as if they're still boys. The Peter Pan syndrome is well known. There are reasons for that failing of men, and we'll likely discuss that at another time. Why, though, do we act as if all men are in that category? Even good, godly men who are doing their dead-level best to lead their families?
In part it is because we have decided that many of the things men like are childish. Most men are devotees of sports. Sports are games. Games are for kids. Therefore men are kids. It is faulty logic based on faulty premises, but how many of you really think it's true?
Men love sports because there are goals, solid outcomes, action, sacrifice, effort, talent, discipline, excellence, and teamwork involved. Men love all these things. And they are the things that help men in other arenas of life. Men want to be part of something larger than themselves. We live for that. And that translates over to business, to government, to family, and to faith. This is not to say that some men don't overdo the sports thing. Far from it. But we don't say that women are little girls because they like romance, and many women overdo the whole romance thing. Capiche?
Another reason we place men in the same category as children has to do with the differences in the way men and women think.
I can remember a class at church once where we were discussing marriage. When we asked what women got out of marriage, we heard such things as companionship, stability, relationship. When we asked what men got out of marriage, the answer was overwhelmingly, "Sex."
Now, Think about that for a moment. All men want out of marriage is sex? We don't have any desire for companionship, stability and relationship? Folks, that's complete nonsense. If all men wanted was sex, they could find it quite easily without marriage. And less expensively, I might add. Yes, I said that. It's true. Live with it.
It's true that men generally desire sex more than women do. So what? Does that mean men are inferior to women? Let's turn that around. Women generally desire sex less than men do. Does that make them inferior to men?
Neither question makes any sense. Both genders are made the way they are because God made them that way. Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." God created all of us as either men or women. We're different. Different does not mean either superior or inferior.
God also created sex and blessed it within marriage. But we have decided that the desire for sex within marriage is somehow inferior to the desire to be close without it. Sorry. Thanks for playing. Better luck next time. You won't find that idea in the Bible. Men typically express intimacy through sex. Men are more action oriented than women, and women are more verbally oriented than men. They're just different. Again, that says nothing about the superiority of one or the other.
Sure, you can have intimacy without sex. But can you have it at the level that a husband and wife are supposed to? Do you know many people who do? Anyone?
I don't either.
A third reason we place men in the same category as children is the real root of the problem. Just as women in Western culture were once considered vastly inferior in all matters outside the home, men are now considered vastly inferior in all matters within the home. This is the diabolical part. Think of who is happiest about ridiculing men because they are men, and about ridiculing women because they are women. Do you think God is happy with that? No! Satan is happy with that. It makes him chortle with glee. Satan will do anything he can to drive a wedge into a family, anything he can to destroy the image that God has placed in us.
The reality is that there is a seed of truth within this idea of the inferiority of men in the home. Women are naturally more nurturing than are men. Tell Dad you're sick and he'll give you medicine. Mom will rock you and hold you. (Some dads will, too, but we're talking about the overall trend here.)
But that seed of truth has grown into a lie in full flower. The qualities of a man—sacrifice, assertiveness, devotion to duty, risk-taking, even a level of aggressiveness—are just as important to a family. Just look at what happens to those who don't have fathers, or whose fathers are distant or uninvolved. It's a disaster.
Satan is most effective when he can base his lie on a bit of truth. That's how he works. And he has done a tremendous job with this lie.
So, if you want men to act like men, quit calling them children. And if I hear it, expect me to call you out. Gently, I hope.
First off, let me say that the person praying this prayer is a wonderful Christian woman, a friend, and a prayer warrior. She meant no harm by what she said, and only repeated something that we have often heard and bought into. I hesitated to post this, and tried to write it without mentioning the prayer, but I thought I needed to point out how pervasive this is in the Church. I trust that if the lady in question recognizes herself, she will forgive me for bringing this up again.
We were praying for another lady who was pregnant and about to deliver her second son. The lady praying asked for God's protection for her baby boy, and her other baby boy, and her other baby boy, meaning her husband. There were quite a few chuckles in our group, and she continued on with her prayer.
But a hand grabbed my heart and squeezed. I know the husband in question. He's a young man compared to me (lots of men in that category), but he is unquestionably a man, a Christian man, and a man who is doing a good job of being the spiritual leader of his household.
Yet we called him not only a boy, but a baby boy, and most of us laughed.
This is a lie straight from the pit of hell.
Satan has done a great job with this one. You hear this all the time. Men are called little boys by their wives, by other women, and by other men. We all have heard, probably all have said, "He's just the tallest kid in the family." We laugh, and shake our heads, and we give credence to something that emasculates men, strips them of respect, and serves Satan's purposes perfectly.
Let's take a closer look at the idea that men are really just bigger boys. According to the Bible, Christ is the head of the church, and the husband is the spiritual leader of his household. (And if you don't buy into the Bible, it makes no difference. Everyone in that room where we were praying does buy into it.) Does it make sense, in light of that, to equate the leader of the household with a child? Does a woman who believes that really want a child as the leader of her household?
This idea comes from a variety of sources. For one thing, there are way too many men who act as if they're still boys. The Peter Pan syndrome is well known. There are reasons for that failing of men, and we'll likely discuss that at another time. Why, though, do we act as if all men are in that category? Even good, godly men who are doing their dead-level best to lead their families?
In part it is because we have decided that many of the things men like are childish. Most men are devotees of sports. Sports are games. Games are for kids. Therefore men are kids. It is faulty logic based on faulty premises, but how many of you really think it's true?
Men love sports because there are goals, solid outcomes, action, sacrifice, effort, talent, discipline, excellence, and teamwork involved. Men love all these things. And they are the things that help men in other arenas of life. Men want to be part of something larger than themselves. We live for that. And that translates over to business, to government, to family, and to faith. This is not to say that some men don't overdo the sports thing. Far from it. But we don't say that women are little girls because they like romance, and many women overdo the whole romance thing. Capiche?
Another reason we place men in the same category as children has to do with the differences in the way men and women think.
I can remember a class at church once where we were discussing marriage. When we asked what women got out of marriage, we heard such things as companionship, stability, relationship. When we asked what men got out of marriage, the answer was overwhelmingly, "Sex."
Now, Think about that for a moment. All men want out of marriage is sex? We don't have any desire for companionship, stability and relationship? Folks, that's complete nonsense. If all men wanted was sex, they could find it quite easily without marriage. And less expensively, I might add. Yes, I said that. It's true. Live with it.
It's true that men generally desire sex more than women do. So what? Does that mean men are inferior to women? Let's turn that around. Women generally desire sex less than men do. Does that make them inferior to men?
Neither question makes any sense. Both genders are made the way they are because God made them that way. Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." God created all of us as either men or women. We're different. Different does not mean either superior or inferior.
God also created sex and blessed it within marriage. But we have decided that the desire for sex within marriage is somehow inferior to the desire to be close without it. Sorry. Thanks for playing. Better luck next time. You won't find that idea in the Bible. Men typically express intimacy through sex. Men are more action oriented than women, and women are more verbally oriented than men. They're just different. Again, that says nothing about the superiority of one or the other.
Sure, you can have intimacy without sex. But can you have it at the level that a husband and wife are supposed to? Do you know many people who do? Anyone?
I don't either.
A third reason we place men in the same category as children is the real root of the problem. Just as women in Western culture were once considered vastly inferior in all matters outside the home, men are now considered vastly inferior in all matters within the home. This is the diabolical part. Think of who is happiest about ridiculing men because they are men, and about ridiculing women because they are women. Do you think God is happy with that? No! Satan is happy with that. It makes him chortle with glee. Satan will do anything he can to drive a wedge into a family, anything he can to destroy the image that God has placed in us.
The reality is that there is a seed of truth within this idea of the inferiority of men in the home. Women are naturally more nurturing than are men. Tell Dad you're sick and he'll give you medicine. Mom will rock you and hold you. (Some dads will, too, but we're talking about the overall trend here.)
But that seed of truth has grown into a lie in full flower. The qualities of a man—sacrifice, assertiveness, devotion to duty, risk-taking, even a level of aggressiveness—are just as important to a family. Just look at what happens to those who don't have fathers, or whose fathers are distant or uninvolved. It's a disaster.
Satan is most effective when he can base his lie on a bit of truth. That's how he works. And he has done a tremendous job with this lie.
So, if you want men to act like men, quit calling them children. And if I hear it, expect me to call you out. Gently, I hope.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Clear Your Decks
Some things have happened in my life lately that have seemed like blows or setbacks. I won’t go into details, but in the past few weeks more than one thing I was pursuing has been denied me or taken away. These were all good things, and I honestly believed that they were right for me, that God was leading me toward them. I still believe that they were good, and right, and proper goals.
Then, in some prayer time yesterday, I felt a strong sense that God was telling me to clear my decks. No, that’s not right. He was telling me that he was going to clear my decks.
Now, I’m no sailor by any stretch of the imagination. But I do know a little about that phrase. When you clear decks you put everything up, tie it down, and reduce the clutter. You get everything out of the way that can be put out of the way. You clear your decks to prepare for one of two things: for a storm, or for action. You clear decks for a storm because everything not tied down and everything out of place is a hazard to the crew. In a pitching sea with water coming across the bow and a gale blowing lines straight and stiff as a pole, anything loose is a missile looking for a target. Action can be a battle, or it can be a race, and the same reasons for clearing decks apply. In a battle or a race, seconds count, and anything out of place slows you down and endangers lives.
I think God was telling me something is coming my way, either a storm or action. Or perhaps both. There are things that need to cleaned up, put away, lashed down. I think God was telling me he was doing this for me, to prepare me for what is to come. Notice that he didn’t even tell me to prepare. He’s preparing me. He loves me so much that he does this for me.
So I didn’t get some of the things I was working toward. That felt so much like rejection. It hurt. To deny that would be to lie. But these things that have happened might just be what I need. Certainly many of the things God wants for us require pain. Remember, Jesus tells us that we follow him when we pick up a cross. He didn’t tell us to pick up a comfy pillow and a nice cup of tea.
Besides the pain I felt, I also felt confused. Let’s be honest here: I still feel both. The things that were taken away from me were really good, God-honoring things. What’s up with that?
There are a few things I have to remember when I don’t understand why things go wrong. One is that God sees so much more than I do. For that matter, other people see things I cannot see. That is why we all need others who speak into our lives.
Another is that although God is sovereign, he doesn’t put in motion everything in our lives. Some of the things that happen to us come from our own sin. God certainly doesn’t do that. We do. And some of the things that happen to us originate from the other side, from God’s enemy. No, I am not saying that those who were involved in denying my recent goals are listening to Satan instead of God. Please don’t read that into what I am saying. Satan can engineer events behind the scenes to move us toward a certain goal. We know people do this all the time, so why do we doubt that Satan can do it? The point is not that we should see Satan in the actions of Godly people. It’s that we falsely attribute many things to God that he doesn’t cause. He can use them, certainly. And he does. But we cannot assign blame to God for everything. Someone recently quoted Romans 8:28 to me:
I’m afraid we misuse that verse to say that everything that happens, God does for our good. It doesn’t say that. It says that no matter what does happen, God works for our good. Our ultimate good.
Finally, I have to remember that God doesn’t owe me an explanation. He’s God, and I’m not. In all of the 600-some-odd laws God gave to Moses, he never explains why. We have come to understand why in many cases, and not in others. But obedience is the standard, not understanding.
God doesn’t often get specific when he speaks to me, and sometimes I really wish he would. It would be great to hear God say, “Go here. Do this.” I think. Of course, Jonah heard exactly that, and he still ran from God. He got no peace until he did what God wanted, and even then he was mad about it. Maybe that’s why God speaks softly and subtly to me. He doesn’t want me to run.
Then, in some prayer time yesterday, I felt a strong sense that God was telling me to clear my decks. No, that’s not right. He was telling me that he was going to clear my decks.
Now, I’m no sailor by any stretch of the imagination. But I do know a little about that phrase. When you clear decks you put everything up, tie it down, and reduce the clutter. You get everything out of the way that can be put out of the way. You clear your decks to prepare for one of two things: for a storm, or for action. You clear decks for a storm because everything not tied down and everything out of place is a hazard to the crew. In a pitching sea with water coming across the bow and a gale blowing lines straight and stiff as a pole, anything loose is a missile looking for a target. Action can be a battle, or it can be a race, and the same reasons for clearing decks apply. In a battle or a race, seconds count, and anything out of place slows you down and endangers lives.
I think God was telling me something is coming my way, either a storm or action. Or perhaps both. There are things that need to cleaned up, put away, lashed down. I think God was telling me he was doing this for me, to prepare me for what is to come. Notice that he didn’t even tell me to prepare. He’s preparing me. He loves me so much that he does this for me.
So I didn’t get some of the things I was working toward. That felt so much like rejection. It hurt. To deny that would be to lie. But these things that have happened might just be what I need. Certainly many of the things God wants for us require pain. Remember, Jesus tells us that we follow him when we pick up a cross. He didn’t tell us to pick up a comfy pillow and a nice cup of tea.
Besides the pain I felt, I also felt confused. Let’s be honest here: I still feel both. The things that were taken away from me were really good, God-honoring things. What’s up with that?
There are a few things I have to remember when I don’t understand why things go wrong. One is that God sees so much more than I do. For that matter, other people see things I cannot see. That is why we all need others who speak into our lives.
Another is that although God is sovereign, he doesn’t put in motion everything in our lives. Some of the things that happen to us come from our own sin. God certainly doesn’t do that. We do. And some of the things that happen to us originate from the other side, from God’s enemy. No, I am not saying that those who were involved in denying my recent goals are listening to Satan instead of God. Please don’t read that into what I am saying. Satan can engineer events behind the scenes to move us toward a certain goal. We know people do this all the time, so why do we doubt that Satan can do it? The point is not that we should see Satan in the actions of Godly people. It’s that we falsely attribute many things to God that he doesn’t cause. He can use them, certainly. And he does. But we cannot assign blame to God for everything. Someone recently quoted Romans 8:28 to me:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I’m afraid we misuse that verse to say that everything that happens, God does for our good. It doesn’t say that. It says that no matter what does happen, God works for our good. Our ultimate good.
Finally, I have to remember that God doesn’t owe me an explanation. He’s God, and I’m not. In all of the 600-some-odd laws God gave to Moses, he never explains why. We have come to understand why in many cases, and not in others. But obedience is the standard, not understanding.
God doesn’t often get specific when he speaks to me, and sometimes I really wish he would. It would be great to hear God say, “Go here. Do this.” I think. Of course, Jonah heard exactly that, and he still ran from God. He got no peace until he did what God wanted, and even then he was mad about it. Maybe that’s why God speaks softly and subtly to me. He doesn’t want me to run.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Just One Thought
- We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5
I had a bit of a revelation the other night, and it came, of all places, from an old black-and-white movie.
TCM ran Carbine Williams, a bio-pic about Marsh Williams, a convict who invented a new kind of mechanism for a repeating rifle while he was in prison. It was later used in the M-1 Carbine, many thousands of which were carried by American soldiers in WWII. Jimmy Stewart played the title role, and did a great job. The story is that Williams was arrested for moonshining, and during the arrest a federal agent was killed. Nobody knew who fired the fatal shot, but Williams had made a vague threat against any "revenooer" who came on his land, and he was railroaded into prison. He actually pled to a lesser charge, then was suddenly sentenced to 30 years at hard labor by a new judge. He was a bitter, angry man, who had a talent with all things mechanical, especially firearms.
After some conflict with the warden, Williams was sent into The Hole, a small steel box, "until he begs to come out." He stubbornly stayed there for 30 days, until the prison doctor freed him. Later, the warden befriends him after Williams saves the warden from a rattlesnake bite.
It's a good picture, as evidenced by the fact that my daughter sat through about half of it without once asking to change the channel.
The scene that caught me came after the episode in The Hole. Williams is on his bunk, measuring and drawing something on a piece of paper. He hears a footstep and hides the paper, but the warden comes up and demands to see it. It is a detailed draftsman's drawing of a new rifle mechanism. The warden wants to take it, but Williams begs the warden to let him continue, then starts to talk about his time in The Hole.
"Did you know you can't think of two things at one time?" Williams asks.
The warden is puzzled, but interested, and Williams goes on to say how in his time in The Hole, he began to think of those Indian fakirs who lay on beds of nails. He realized that he couldn't think about the pain he felt if he occupied his mind with something else. For him, that something else was designing the rifle.
"At first, I couldn't think for more than 15 or 20 seconds about it before thinking about how much my back hurt again," Williams went on. "But I kept at it, and later I was able to go three or four hours without thinking about my back at all."
"Did you know you can't think of two things at once?"
That question really hit me. Something I tell the men in my accountability group is that you cannot think about nothing. If I tell you not to think about monkeys for the next ten seconds, your thoughts will be filled with monkeys. The secret is the thing Carbine Williams discovered. You have to think about something else. You have to take that thought captive.
Satan assaults us every hour of the day with things we shouldn't think of or dwell on. For men, it often takes the form of lust. That's just where men are most vulnerable. Our society is not exactly a modest and chaste one. Right? So the seeds of lust are always there. We can't just not think about them. We have to think about something else to push that thought out.
No, I'm not telling you to design a new rifle. I am saying that we should replace the thoughts we know shouldn't be there with ones we know should. The best thing to use is the scriptures.
When Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness after 40 days of fasting, he used hunger, pride, and power to tempt him. He twisted the scriptures to make his points. Jesus answered him each time from scripture, essentially cutting him off at the knees.
We should do the same. Memorize scripture. Hide it in our hearts. Use it. When temptation comes, and it will, take that thought captive with one of God's promises. Recite a psalm. Fill your mind with the goodness, holiness, mercy, justice, power, and majesty of God. Remember the cross. Remind yourself how God redeemed Israel from Egypt.
Remember, the battle against sin is the battle of the mind. I've become convinced that this is the secret of those we know as great saints. They become so focused on God that other thoughts are driven out. Me? I'm just getting started.
Take that thought captive.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sharing in Suffering?
"Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." (Romans 8:17)
I read an article today written by Leo Thorsness, recounting an episode from his captivity in North Viet Nam. (You can find the entire article here.) After the Son Tay raid, the North Vietnamese moved all the prisoners of war into a central location. For the first time ever, men who had become friends through the "tap code" could actually see each others' faces.
On the first Sunday they were together, they agreed to hold a church service. As they gathered in one end of the room they shared, the guards burst in to break them up. Ned Shuman, the ranking officer, explained that there would be no trouble; they were just holding a church service. The guards would not allow them to gather in groups of more than three, and under no circumstances were they to have a church service.
During the next week, they felt bad about backing down and renewed their commitment to hold a service, with each man committing individually to it. Ned Shuman knew that when it happened, he would be hauled off for torture.
The next Sunday, as before, they began to gather and the guards, who had been watching for this, burst in. Ned Shuman was dragged out for torture.
"Our plan unfolded. The second ranking man, the new SRO, stood, walked to the center of the cell and in a clear firm voice said, “Gentlemen,” our signal to stand, “the Lord’s Prayer.” We got perhaps halfway through the prayer, when the guards grabbed the SRO and hauled him out the door toward Heartbreak.
As planned, the number three SRO stood, walked to the center of the cell, and said, “Gentlemen, the Lord’s Prayer.” We had gotten about to “Thy Kingdom come” before the guards grabbed him. Immediately, the number four SRO stood: “Gentlemen, the Lord’s Prayer.”
I have never heard five or six words of the Lord’s Prayer — as far as we got before they seized him — recited so loudly, or so reverently. The interrogator was shouting, “Stop, stop,” but we drowned him out. The guards were now hitting POWs with gun butts and the cell was in chaos.
"The number five ranking officer was way back in the corner and took his time moving toward the center of the cell. (I was number seven, and not particularly anxious for him to hurry.) But just before he got to the center of the area, the cell became pin-drop quiet.
In Vietnamese, the interrogator spat out something to the guards, they grabbed number five SRO and they all left, locking the cell door behind them. The number six SRO began: “Gentlemen, the Lord’s Prayer.” This time we finished it."
Reading this left me in tears. Tears for the men who had such courage in their convictions that they would stand up and pray, knowing they would be tortured. Tears also of shame, because I have never shown that kind of courage.
We live in a post-Christian culture. In some ways, we live in an anti-Christian culture. In my lifetime I have been looked down upon for my faith. I've been marginalized, laughed at, and ridiculed. I've even had my career affected. But I have never suffered imprisonment, torture, or deprivation for my faith. I have never had to face that.
So, is that what it means "to share in his sufferings?" Because if that is so, then I cannot "share in his glory."
This question has long troubled me. Most of the apostles were martyrs. All of the early Christians had to fear persecution from the Romans and from their own people. That is beyond question. But does that mean that we who do not suffer persecution are lesser Christians?
After long reflection and much study, plus a lot of help from people who are wiser and brighter than I am, I have to say the answer is "No." Jesus said persecution would come, but he did not say all would suffer in that way. It also seems to me that much of the talk of suffering in the Bible relates to the effect of sin upon the world. We all experience sickness, heartache, grief, loss, disappointment. All lives have pain. We all know this. Some have more than others. It takes different forms for all of us. Who am I to say that the man whose arms are forced out of joint suffers more than the man whose only child dies at the hands of a drunk driver? Or that the woman who is imprisoned behind iron bars suffers more than the woman who is imprisoned by her own fears and depression?
So, when I hear stories of martyrs, I thank God that such stories come to my ears. I wonder if I would have equal conviction, and through my tears, I pray that I would. And I resolve to love, forgive, and proclaim truth no matter what comes to me, be it bitter or sweet.
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